Finding my self-worth as a second-time SAHM.

I stayed home with my daughter for over a year. I loved that I got that time with her, but for the most part, I was miserable.
I hardly ever got dressed, put on makeup, or even left the house.
I rarely got to do anything I enjoyed. We mostly ran errands and attended play dates. I never left the house alone!
I was not making any money, so our budget was very tight. I would scrounge every month to sell personal belongings in order to afford new clothes or other "luxuries" for myself.
I was always anxiously watching our bank account (and overall, I was watching the money in it disappear.)

Then! I got a job. I was excited to bring in some money and Josie really loved being around other kids all day, BUT!
At least half of my paycheck went to childcare expenses every month.
One of us was always sick!
I was underutilized and underappreciated, especially by the administration.
I went home every day feeling like I was worthless, like I was not good at my job, and even if I was, it didn't matter to anybody else because all they saw were my mistakes.

I had a full-blown anxiety attack and lost 10 lbs in my second trimester. Something had to change, so for the first time in my life, I quit my job without having any kind of backup plan.

The past 3 months have changed my life.
I took a chance on a new opportunity, FULLY expecting to fail (AGAIN!)
I was adopted into an amazingly supportive, positive, and encouraging, new family.
I REdiscovered my PASSION for fitness and nutrition! (I didn't even know I could be passionate about anything...)
I was driven to complete the certification process to become a fitness trainer, which I had been putting off for over a year.
I have helped countless others begin their own health, fitness, and HAPPINESS journeys.
I'm already making almost as much as I was taking home in my previous job AND I get to stay home with my baby (soon to be babies). Win win!
And then there's that whole waking up with a purpose instead of dread every day. ;)

Instead of counting down until Friday, or Spring Break, or the last day of school, I wake up looking forward to learning more, answering messages, and reaching out to people who need me!

I'm so excited that I get to share this opportunity with you all this week! Our awesome team is hosting a Sneak Peek into the life of a coach AND giving away a pair of custom Nikes to one new team member who joins us by Friday!
Follow me on Facebook to find out more!

What is so DIFFERENT about Beachbody?

It may seem like I joined Team Beachbody pretty suddenly, but the truth is that I spent almost a YEAR watching the progress of my now-coach, Jessi. I had a lot of doubts and a lot of fears. My biggest fear was that I would fail-- AGAIN. I had done the MLM thing twice before and it didn't work for me. I was convinced that the people who succeeded in these company were either pushy salesmen who bullied the money out of people's wallets, or they were secretly paid by the corporate office to entice unsuspecting stay-at-home-moms to waste their husbands' paychecks on "business kits" and "inventory."
Why did I change my mind? What made me decide that the third time must be the charm? I saw something DIFFERENT in Jessi's posts about her team, the misFIT REPublic. She had built relationships with these women! Well, I was on a "team" with my last MLM, but we never took cruises together! We didn't cheer each other on through pic collages on Facebook. In fact, the last time I worked an event with my "teammates" one of them stole sales leads and $90-worth of products from me. Some team, right? I wanted to know what this misFIT REPublic was all about. Was it really possible for people to work together and encourage each other on a team, and still succeed in their own businesses?
Jessi posted about a "Sneak Peek" opportunity and I decided there was no harm in seeing what "coaching" really was. Why not? It was free! At worst, I would have wasted a few minutes each day participating in some cheesy "team-building" activities and I would have proven myself right about businesses like this.
I really, really hate being wrong. And even more, I hate admitting that I was wrong. As serious lifters and fitness snobs, my husband and I had spent so much time rolling our eyes at how silly it all was. But we were wrong. What is silly about wanting to become a better person? About changing what you don't like about yourself? About doing something you can be proud of? What is silly about achieving goals instead of sitting around posting inspirational quotes about them? And what is silly about reaching out to others who want to change, too?
So, here I am asking you what goals you want to reach for yourself. For your family. What changes do you want to make in your life? Any WHY haven't you made them yet? If it's because you need support and motivation to reach those terrifying, unrealistic, outrageous goals - you need a TEAM behind you!

^This was me.^ I had quit my crappy job and felt completely useless before I started coaching.

I ask you if you are ready to join my team, not because it will help me, but because I honestly feel the passion and need to share this experience with people who need the change- who need the TEAM- as badly as I did. If you feel in your gut that this might be you, please send me a message.
You can be a part of our next Sneak Peek and see what this coaching thing (and the misFIT REPublic) is really about. I am allowed to invite two people into the group, so please let me know if you are seriously considering this opportunity. I'd love to have you. 

Because I'm sick of being the girl who gives up.

I've avoided writing this post because I was afraid that my "story" would be too boring. I don't have a troubled past. I don't have a spectacular body transformation story. I don't have anything to prove. All I have is a desire to become what my parents always raised me to become, a role model for my children. And a desire that most other people have: to be truly happy.

We can skip the childhood part. Aside from the perpetual availability of junk food in my home, I had it better than most. My parents worked hard enough to provide for us, but not so hard that they weren't around. They loved each other (still do). They signed us up for sports, helped us with homework, took us on vacations, etc. I didn't realize until I was an adult that I was incredibly fortunate to have parents like mine.

My struggle didn't start until I was on my own. And by "on my own" I mean moving 1,000 miles away from anyone I've ever known with a 6-month-old and a husband who had logged about seven days of fatherhood until that point. Let me back up just a bit.

My husband enlisted in the Army while I was pregnant and did not meet our daughter until she was two weeks old. He did not get to experience the sleepless nights (literally, she did not sleep AT night for months), the days FULL of crying (anywhere from 3-8 hours EVERY. DAY. For MONTHS!), the breastfeeding issues, or the anxiety and depression that came along with feeling like you've failed the only job you should be at least somewhat biologically prepared for. I couldn't take care of myself or my child and I didn't even have my partner's shoulder to cry on. Trust me, I could have used it. I cried almost as much as the baby did those first few months. Friends and family tried to be supportive, but they were not my husband. And a lot of them did not understand just how difficult it truly was.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my adult life, and this experience brought me down to my lowest low. I was mourning the motherhood I had so naively anticipated. I had lost myself in the nonstop obsession to fix my child and make her stop crying. I think I was showering maybe once a week. I can't recall a single outfit that didn't include yoga/sweat/pajama pants. I was exhausted, and I wasn't ME anymore. How could I be?

Luckily, I was surrounded by family and most of them were very helpful, so I wasn't alone. When my husband came home from almost a full year of training, I was so happy to finally be a complete family that I forgot the part about how he had never been a father before. Jumping in six months into the game must have been terrifyingly overwhelming, but I was so desperate for us to get on with our lives that I ignored the possibility that he could be struggling, too. Less than two weeks later, we packed everything we owned and drove from central Florida to Ft. Hood, Texas. And then we were ALONE. Just him and me and this new, little, very unhappy baby. (I'll skip the details of the marital drama, but let's just say there were a couple times I went home for visits and really REALLY considered not going back.)

Things got better, then worse, then better again. I started working and at first I was really happy to feel like Kiersten again instead of just "Mommy." That was short-lived. Once I became the target of a bully administrator, I began dreading work. I felt myself beginning to spiral down into that drain of anxiety and depression again. I was pregnant with my second child and I had lost 10 pounds in a month due to lack of appetite and constant fatigue. I had a full-blown anxiety attack in my midwife's office. I could not keep working.

That brings us to today. The WHY. Why did I choose to become a Team Beachbody coach?
At first, I continued to be overwhelmed with life and too depressed to deal with any of it. Laundry and dishes piled up, but I just could not get off the couch. I got angry with my husband for not helping, but what I was really angry about was that HE would not just FIX everything. Why couldn't he clean the house so I didn't have to look at the mess anymore? Why couldn't he stop complaining about work so it wouldn't make me upset? Why couldn't he try harder to make me happy?

Taking control of your life is like falling in love. You can tell somebody what it feels like, describe every intimate detail, but they will never truly understand until it happens to them. And there's no magic formula, it just happens. You finally decide that you're tired of living an unhappy life and it dawns on you that nobody else is responsible for changing that. That's what happened. I decided to make the effort every single day to remind myself of all the beautiful things I had to be grateful for. I started changing my thinking by literally saying to myself, "This is a negative thought. Negative thoughts are not productive," every time I felt myself becoming unhappy about a situation, and then taking a huge, full breath to "blow" the thought away. (It works most of the time!)

Then a funny thing happened. I noticed that the more effort I made to be positive, the less I felt anxious or depressed. The more positive thoughts I had, the better I felt about life. I started cleaning the house again. I started taking my daughter to story time and the park. Then it was time to think about me again. I have tried and quit so many things, I was almost afraid to try anything else. I was afraid of spending the rest of my life being "the girl who gives up." But I had a new outlook now and new tools in my bag to help myself stay positive. I was finally ready.

Coaching so far has been more than playing the MLM game of recruiting and collecting paychecks. This has been an exercise in finding my happy. I am able to work and stay home with my daughter and help other people find their own path to happiness. I don't have a horrible boss anymore and I no longer have to spend 15 minutes every morning convincing myself that I have to go to work. I don't have to spend 60% of my paycheck to have someone else watch my daughter for 10 hours a day. Now, I get to exercise, eat healthy, and help others do the same. This makes me happy.

What would make you happy?

My Big Girl. My Two-Year-Old.

*Birthday Cookie*

So in love with you, little girl. We have our battles (like today, when I had to scoop you up and carry you out of the library during story time) but the ability to watch you develop, make your own decisions, and just play is such an honor. Every night when I put you to bed, I watch you for a few minutes after you've fallen asleep, completely awed by the amazing little person you are, and then give you one more kiss. It's never enough.

It's been an entire year since I've written one of these and-- holy cow-- how things have changed! You have quite the vocabulary, and you aren't afraid to use it. However, your favorite words right now are "cheese" and "open" (as in, "Please open the fridge and get me more cheese.") My favorites are "mommy," "daddy," "mam-ma," "pee-pa," "please," "I luh you," "hug," and "kiss."

One WHOLE year ago.

You are a WHIZ with puzzles, especially on the iPad. You can count to 10 and are getting pretty good with the alphabet. You love Mickey Mouse, Dora, and all the animals! You like to cuddle with your stuffed animals, but mostly your monkey.

You still love being around people and you LOVE to run, slide, and JUMP! You've been helping me in our garden lately, watering the sunflowers with your Mickey Mouse watering can. You don't mind playing in the sprinklers, but for some reason you still hate the bath...

You and I took a trip to Florida a couple weeks ago to visit our family. You made everyone so happy. You are very fortunate to have such wonderful and loving grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even your GREAT-grandma and grandpa to take care of you!
On Easter Sunday, we got dressed up and went to church with your daddy's parents. Grandma and Grandpa were singing and playing music on stage with the choir, and you were obviously compelled to join them. You walked right up the steps and stood next to Grandma, singing and dancing along in front of the whole church! You made a lot of people smile that day. :)
The next weekend, you visited Uncle Donald's Farm with *my* mommy and daddy. You guys got to pet some goats and rabbits and you even went on a hay ride and got to feed the cows! Then we went to Abshier Farm and picked three buckets of blueberries ("blue-babies") with your great-grandparents. You were a PRO!
My favorite trip was to Homosassa Springs State Park. We saw sooooo many animals like owls, bobcats, alligators, a hippo, and even manatees! I think you liked it, too, because when we left the park you waved and said, "Bye bye, animals! I luh you!"
Most importantly, you got to spend time with a lot of people who love you very much. I cannot wait until you are old enough to appreciate what a blessing that is.

You are worth all the sleepless nights.

You are growing and changing so fast, I fear that I could never take enough pictures or write enough letters to hold onto every precious moment. I am so proud to be your mama, and no matter how smart and independent you become, you will always be my baby girl. Happy second birthday, love. <3

Acts of Kindness to Restore "Karma"

It has been quite a while, but I'll try not to dwell on my neglect of this blog. Instead I will skip straight to the incident that inspired this post.

While talking to a few third graders I work with, I shared something embarrassing that happened to me. One student told me, "Mrs. W, that was karma. You must have done something bad to have that happen." Now, I really don't think my clumsiness (walking into a post) was karmic retribution, something else happened recently that made me think I might need to restore the balance.

The other day, I was pulling out into traffic and I got stopped by a police officer. I was speeding. (Allegedly 11 miles over the speed limit. I disagree, but that's beside the point.) It was a construction zone. That means whatever my fees would have been for going 10-15 over are now doubled. Now, I am not arguing against the justification of the ticket. The circumstances were just... altogether unfortunate. So, I will pay my fine. (Bye bye, tax return!) But I also feel that I need to pay something else back to get rid of the icky feeling that speeding tickets tend to leave.

Also inspired by this particular classroom, I am vowing to do 100 acts of kindness. BY MYSELF! (Well, I will include my daughter, but an almost-two-year-old can hardly be held responsible for such things.) Since I spend about as much time on Pinterest as I do eating and breathing, I gathered a few pins and plan to compile my own list. As I cross them off, I'll post my progress. (SOMEONE PLEASE HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE FOR THIS! LOL.) In the meantime, check out my "Acts of Kindness" board and feel free to send me your own ideas and inspirations!

I think these will be my first 5, since I can do them this weekend:
1. Leave a dollar bill and bag of popcorn on a Redbox. (This is one of the first ideas I saw. So easy!)
2. Donate towels and blankets to an animal shelter. (It has been FREEZING here in central Texas! Those poor babies must need some warmth.)
3. Leave a dollar bill hidden in the toy section of the dollar store. (I can only imagine the excitement of a little kid who finds it and gets to pick out a toy!)
4. Donate clothes to a women's shelter. (Don't get me wrong, Goodwill is a great organization, but I prefer to donate clothes directly to the people who will be needing them.)
5. Give a gift to a neighbor. (An elderly widow that lives at the end of our street is the ONLY person who has introduced herself to me since we moved here three months ago. I think I will try to cook her a meal or leave her a gift basket of cold weather comfort foods after we go grocery shopping.)

Good to see you all again! Can't wait to share more updates. :)

Do you have any favorite acts of kindness? What have you done to make someone's day?